It’s not their fault, they are not who you want them to be
This entry was posted on May 25, 2013, in Daily Life. Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments (Edit)
Have you ever been in a situation where someone or a group of people behave in a way that you find unacceptable? Maybe their behaviour is insulting, territorial or bitchy or it could be a number of different things or all of the above.
The natural reaction is to behave the same back, to degrade them in some way because effectively that’s what they’re trying to do to you. We instinctively react defensively because we feel there is some threat towards us but of course there is rarely, if ever, any physical harm to follow these anti social actions.
Spiritually we know that regardless of how someone treats us, our spirit is perfect and eternal. But we still need to live in the real world, we still need to deal with the situation at hand.
First and foremost, leave if you can. People behaving in a toxic manner can have a distressing effect on your emotional and physical energy, they can be draining.
Secondly, I always find this phrase neutralises how I’m feeling or the intensity of the feeling I’m experiencing: “It’s not their fault, they are not who I want them to be”. Repeat, “It’s not their fault, they’re not who I want them to be” and I would repeat it until I remember that I’m never angry or upset with someone, I’m upset with the story I’m telling myself about them. Whether they lived up to my expectations or not, it’s not their fault, they’re not who I wanted them to be.
I’d not thought about this technique for a couple of years, but as with all good coaches, the right technique pops into your head just when it’s needed. Try it out, let me know your thoughts, it’s pretty amazing,xx